Garmin woes

Me: we need to talk

Garmin: ok *laughs nervously* sounds serious

Me: it’s just. It’s just. I don’t think it’s working out

Garmin: what? Why?

Me: I just don’t think you know me. I don’t think you’ve EVER known me

Garmin: *spluttering* but babe! I do! I know you so well! I have ALL THE STATS on you

Me: *wobble in voice* but you DON’T know ME! Look! LOOK! 50 hours recovery? 50 HOURS?!? WHEN would you think I would EVEN THINK this, let alone DO IT? I need to do hill sprints tomorrow and then at least a half marathon on Sunday!!

Garmin: but I’m doing it for YOU! Recovery is important

Me: *openly weeping now* and you’ve just proved me right. You don’t know me at all. I’m sticking to Strava. Strava KNOWS me

Garmin: but you don’t want to be *whispers* unproductive

Me: we’re done here. Goodbye

Garmin: but babe! BABE! COME BACK....!

*dramatisation for comedic purposes. No Garmins were hurt or dumped in the making of this production*