Things I have learned over the past 2 years
I’ve been running ‘in anger’ for about 2 years. These are some of the things I have learned that I did not know before
Your body is a marvellous machine and is capable of incredible things. You just need to get your mind to read the same memo and you’re laughing
If you started off via c25k or 10k, there is THAT week which disheartens you; the one where you suddenly have to run for 5 full minutes and you think you’re going to expire. THAT week
There is that moment when you’re trying to remove your sports bra and you can’t get the fucking thing off and you think, ‘welp, this is my life now’ or consider sourcing scissors
You CAN do that extra 100m / 1/2 km / mile. You THINK you can’t but you really, really can
Hills are arseholes
You wish you had a thigh gap; not for spurious patriarchal ideals of acceptable beauty but because it means you won’t rub a hole in your inner thighs due to chafing
It is perfectly legitimate to knock a km off your run if you have spent time wresting into compression tights
You will meet some amazing people. Runnists are ace
Races are invariably on a Sunday and necessitate getting up at fuck ME what the bloody hell time do you call this it’s still bastard DARK out there and therefore still officially the middle of the NIGHT o’clock
Race bibs should come with a set square or spirit level to help pin them straight cos it takes many, many cack handed goes
You didn’t realise you had the ability to piss so much before a race, as you have contracted Tiny Bladder Disease™️ and much as you don’t want to, eleventy billion wees in manktastic portaloos are now mandatory
You will unironically call Saturday parkrun day
Some gels are like fruity jizz, some may make you race for a toilet due to unfortunate effects on your bowels
It is a socially acceptable norm to discuss code brown with other runnists. A bonding moment, if you will
Your body will likely change and you will be quietly chuffed with the results
10k is 10k is 10k, whatever your pace. Ditto 5k, 10 miles, a marathon.
You may think you are like a snail on diazepam with your pace, but others would give simply anything for some of your runs, so don’t compare
Magnesium spray stings like a mo’fo. Worsened by freshly shaved legs
You will question your sanity when it’s dark / horizontal rain / eleventy billion degrees / heart attack early / icy and slippery as a bastard / perilously windy and you’re out for a run
There is a clip on the front of your hydration vest that is for the water bladder hose to stop it bumping up and down on your chest and being more annoying than someone constantly sniffing but you’ve only owned it for a year and didn’t realise until now...
You’ll wear a head torch and not give a shiny shit you look like a bellend
Running has possibly saved you a bit. And you’re thankful every day
